It will change your life!
The time is nearly finish for my friend. We were sitting down having lunch when she mentioned casually that she and her husband were thinking to "Start a family" What she meant was that her biological clock is tickling, and she's been force to consider the possibility to become a mother.
"We're having a survey," she said partly joking. "In your opinion, should i have a baby?"
"It will change your life," i said carefully, keeping my tone as normal as i can.
"I know," she said. "There won't be any relaxing on weekend, there won't be a spontaneous holiday..."
But that was not what i meant at all. I looked at her, considering what will i say to her.
I wanted her to know what she may never learn in any lecture about giving birth a baby.
"We're having a survey," she said partly joking. "In your opinion, should i have a baby?"
"It will change your life," i said carefully, keeping my tone as normal as i can.
"I know," she said. "There won't be any relaxing on weekend, there won't be a spontaneous holiday..."
But that was not what i meant at all. I looked at her, considering what will i say to her.
I wanted her to know what she may never learn in any lecture about giving birth a baby.
I wanted to tell her the physical wound caused by labor will be heal, but being a mother will make her have a bad emotional wound so that she will have a sensitive heart forever.
I thought to remind her that she will never read the newspaper again without asking "What if that happen to my child?" That every air crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she look at picture of hunger child, she will start wondering is there anything worse rather than to see her child dying.
I stared at her fingernail that has been well taken care of, her stylish dress, and i thought that no matter how sophisticated she is, being a mom will change her to the primitive extend just like a bear protecting its baby.
An urgent call "Momma...!" will caused her drop the pancake or the most divine and expensive crystal at once.
I felt that i have to remind her, no matter how many years she spent to built her career, she will slip professionally into a role of a mother. Perhaps she have someone to take care her baby, but one day when she has to attend an important business meeting, she will remember the sweet smell of her baby. She has to exploit every of her discipline strength to avoid herself running back home, just to check whether her baby is alright or not.
I wanted my best friend to realize that daily decisions won't be as routine as usual anymore. That when her 5 years old boy prefer to go to men's toilet instead of women's at McDonald, it will become a huge dilemma. There, in the middle of clinking and tinkling sound of tray and children' scream, a matter of being independent and gender distinction have to be consider against the possibility that a pedophilia maybe hiding inside the toilet. No matter how assertive she is at the office, she will live in uncertainty world as a mother.
Looking back at my dear beautiful friend, i wanted to make sure to her that in the end she will be free from pregnancy's burden, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, that now is so important, will become less valuable to her as soon as she has a child. That she will be ready to give up her life one day for the sake of saving her generation, on the other hand start to hope to live longer - not to fulfill her own dreams, but to witness her child to fulfill his/her dreams. I wanted to tell her that the cesarean mark and other shining scratched will become badges of honor.
The relationship between my friend and her husband will be change, but not in a way that she may think. I hope she understand that she will love more and more a man that able to bath and change diaper of their baby, or never hesitate to play happily with their son/daughter. I thought that she has to know that she will fall in love again with her husband for unromantic reasons that now she may feel.
I hoped my friend can feel the boundary that she will feel together with women all along history whose incessantly try to stop the war and prejudice, also prevent the people to drink and drive. I wish that she will understand how come i can think rationally about matters, but sometimes become frantic when discussing nuclear war threat toward my children' future.
I wanted to describe her the joy of watching my children learn to play baseball. I wanted her to feel the crisp laugh of a baby touching a soft dog's hair for the first time. I wanted her to feel the true happiness.
My friend's gaze revive me for the tears stemmed up in my eyes. "You will never regret it!" finally i said to her. Then i reach across the table, clutch my friend's hand, and ask her to pray to her, to me, and to all women that slip from her way to this holy convocation.
*adopted from: "Chicken soup for the Woman's Soul"
I thought to remind her that she will never read the newspaper again without asking "What if that happen to my child?" That every air crash, every fire will haunt her. That when she look at picture of hunger child, she will start wondering is there anything worse rather than to see her child dying.
I stared at her fingernail that has been well taken care of, her stylish dress, and i thought that no matter how sophisticated she is, being a mom will change her to the primitive extend just like a bear protecting its baby.
An urgent call "Momma...!" will caused her drop the pancake or the most divine and expensive crystal at once.
I felt that i have to remind her, no matter how many years she spent to built her career, she will slip professionally into a role of a mother. Perhaps she have someone to take care her baby, but one day when she has to attend an important business meeting, she will remember the sweet smell of her baby. She has to exploit every of her discipline strength to avoid herself running back home, just to check whether her baby is alright or not.
I wanted my best friend to realize that daily decisions won't be as routine as usual anymore. That when her 5 years old boy prefer to go to men's toilet instead of women's at McDonald, it will become a huge dilemma. There, in the middle of clinking and tinkling sound of tray and children' scream, a matter of being independent and gender distinction have to be consider against the possibility that a pedophilia maybe hiding inside the toilet. No matter how assertive she is at the office, she will live in uncertainty world as a mother.
Looking back at my dear beautiful friend, i wanted to make sure to her that in the end she will be free from pregnancy's burden, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, that now is so important, will become less valuable to her as soon as she has a child. That she will be ready to give up her life one day for the sake of saving her generation, on the other hand start to hope to live longer - not to fulfill her own dreams, but to witness her child to fulfill his/her dreams. I wanted to tell her that the cesarean mark and other shining scratched will become badges of honor.
The relationship between my friend and her husband will be change, but not in a way that she may think. I hope she understand that she will love more and more a man that able to bath and change diaper of their baby, or never hesitate to play happily with their son/daughter. I thought that she has to know that she will fall in love again with her husband for unromantic reasons that now she may feel.
I hoped my friend can feel the boundary that she will feel together with women all along history whose incessantly try to stop the war and prejudice, also prevent the people to drink and drive. I wish that she will understand how come i can think rationally about matters, but sometimes become frantic when discussing nuclear war threat toward my children' future.
I wanted to describe her the joy of watching my children learn to play baseball. I wanted her to feel the crisp laugh of a baby touching a soft dog's hair for the first time. I wanted her to feel the true happiness.
My friend's gaze revive me for the tears stemmed up in my eyes. "You will never regret it!" finally i said to her. Then i reach across the table, clutch my friend's hand, and ask her to pray to her, to me, and to all women that slip from her way to this holy convocation.
*adopted from: "Chicken soup for the Woman's Soul"
0 comments:
Post a Comment